i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
