Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
