Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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