seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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