So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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