she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
