i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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