and i looked up. we had an audience...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
