went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dicks are not precious.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
