I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
