Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize