As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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