I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
