i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
