i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
