Nicole vs. Life
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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