Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
