Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
