I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
