She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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