2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize