$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
