Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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