Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
