I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
