every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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