All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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