i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
