he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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