pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
