Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize