I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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