I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You are the jesus of drinking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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