went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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