Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
