God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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