goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize