I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
