Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
