eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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