I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
