We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
