I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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