Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize