after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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