It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
