What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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