People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
