I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
