im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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