I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
