The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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