Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
