I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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