I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
