And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
