I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
