somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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