he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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