Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He? As in you personified your dick?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize