I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
