So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
