Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
