he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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