ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
