that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
