If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
