whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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