My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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