If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
