this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
