he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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