Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
