I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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