a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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