Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
