I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
