You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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