You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
