you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
