well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
