Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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