I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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