In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
