Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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