oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
