Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Houston, we have a squirter
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
